Professional Poop Sniffer and other useless skills you can’t (shouldn’t) put on your resume.

I have heard (more than once) that being a mother is one of the most underpaid, under appreciated, yet most rewarding jobs one can have. I’m going to venture a guess that second to this is a teacher of any sort. It’s kind of like being a temporary mom to children while their parents are at work, especially in my case, where I take care of 4 little ones until my own two young ones get home from their schools. There are days, like today, when I have to remind myself that I really do love my job no matter how much I’m considering a career switch. As I scoured my bathtub, outdoor tractor, climber, and spot cleaned my floor from a diaper mishap, I realized how many skills I’ve acquired in the last 7 years of being a home child care provider that, while in their literal sense, wouldn’t be very useful in the business world could perhaps be made to sound more businesslike than they really are.


Skill #1. Like the title says, professional poop sniffer. That’s right, most of the time I can smell a dirty diaper a whole room away and more than likely know which child it is. (Gross, I know!)

Application in the real world: Being able to tell when someone is full of crap. In a room of people, know which ones should be “changed.”


Skill #2. The official snot wiper for the “snot brigade” (a term coined by a parent when three of the children all had a runny nose.)

Application in the real world: Cleaning up other people’s mess even when it’s a bit sickening to you.


Skill #3. Successfully getting 4 infants to sleep at the same time for nap time every day.

Application in the real world: Being able to cope through the screaming and tantrums in order to accomplish your goal.


Skill #4. Teaching children to share with their friends.

Application in the real world: Conflict resolution is probably one of the skills which can be taken in the literal sense, though hopefully you aren’t having to tell your workers not to knock over or spit on their contemporaries because they took their pen.


Skill #5. Tuning out annoying noises while being clued into the important stuff.

Application in the real world: Again, this is one which is actually quite useful. When a co-worker (or boss) is going off on you, it’s helpful to look like you are paying attention rather than thinking about what the special is for happy hour.


Skill #6. Anything needing to be accomplished within a 10 second time frame. (This includes taking a bathroom break.)

Application in the real world: Your boss will like that you never seem to be on a lunch break, bathroom break or coffee break.


Skill #7: Being able to set up activities according to a child’s age and abilities.

Application in the real world: Well, while you probably shouldn’t place “art activities” as a skill, you probably could use this knowledge to assess your co-workers and develop projects and jobs best suited to their skills. This is, of course, assuming that adults are as easy to read in their milestones as children are.


Well now as I look at the list, I can see that several of my skills could work in the professional business world, so long as I put the right twist on them. However, given that I would much rather have a two year old tantruming at me, since it is developmentally appropriate, I don’t think that I will need to be “classing” up my skills resume any time soon. =) 


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About J.Peterson

By day, I'm a mom of two boys (three if you count my husband) and a childcare provider. My adventures in parenting and the real world are primarily what this blog is about. My alternate ego, the one who is in my book(s), is a scythe bearing, magnificent shoe wearing, Soul Harvester by the name of Genesis. Though she knows nothing about parenting, her sarcasm rivals even my own. If you enjoy my blog, check her out on Amazon under the title of Death Inc. The life and Times of a Soul Harvester.

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